babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
