your thong is hanging out like whoa
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
