I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
