I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
