The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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