SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
