3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Define "chronic" masturbator.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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