Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
