I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
