There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
