Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
