and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my poor anus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
