I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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