I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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