found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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