My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
