Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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