Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
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