he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They took my balls.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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