pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Semen is not good for contacts.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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