I looked at my own cervix.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
