'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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