I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
