his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
