dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
