Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
