well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
