i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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