what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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