Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
