I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize