4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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