You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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