Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize