She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize