And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
