why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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