oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
