Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
