nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
