allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
