I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
