I think I just saw someone hide a body.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
