So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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