those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
There's even glitter on my cock...
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