I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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