i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
