fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i dont even know how to be here
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
