He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
