well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
