Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
