I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
