dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
