I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
