i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do herpes really smell.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
