I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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