I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
