I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
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he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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