plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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