remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
NoShamevember. You game?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
