I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
