margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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