Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
