Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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