I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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