turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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