I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
