My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize