Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
